Day 1 of this blog

I am down to 205.5 lbs. I have at least 25 more to go and ideally 40. I am quite stressed because of my marriage but I am using that stress, not to save my marriage, but to save myself and hopefully improve my relationship with L. 

I didn't know where to start and still don't know if I am starting in the right place. However, I am trying to follow what my heart and mind have been telling me that I should do. Wake up at 5 AM. I am not sure why that is the number but at the very least it allows me the time to get up and exercise without a schedule conflict. I have given myself 1.5 hours of prep time in the morning before I wake up Matthew and have breakfast. 

My exercise follows a routine of aerobic and bodyweight exercise, starting with aerobic activity that so far has been dominated by rollerblading and today I jogged for about 30 mins. The bodyweight exercise routine starts from my toes to my neck. I stretch the lower part of my body and sprinkle in calf raises and squats. I next focus on my torso and do a variation of crunches that involve me lifiting my head and shoulders from the ground and slowly moving from side to side touching as far down on my foot as possible. I do feel the burn so I assume these are effective. I follow the crunches with leg lifts for as long as I can hold my legs off of the ground. I continue upwards stretching back arms, neck, wrists, elbows. Anything I can think of. I then do push ups.

I want to play more with my children with the limited time that I have with them. I am grateful for every moment that I have with them and hope to value each instance to simply be in their presence. If I am too heavy, I cannot jump on the trampoline. If I run out of steam, I cannot chase or be chased by them. My mental health is directly correlated to my mental health (which is struggling). If I can care for me, and love me, I may be better fit to love others and to think best of them.

I read an article regarding relationship toxicity daily. I need to work on this, constantly and be grateful for what I have and if I need more find a solution to find it.

Love yourself, care for yourself, be yourself. Reach out for help when you don't feel that you can do it alone.